2nd Sunday - Team Building, and an explanation of my absence.

It so happened that my second visit to the "Addicted to Jesus" youth group coincided with their visit to a place for team-building exercises.

As such, there isn't so much to report. There were puzzles. There was "Yay! Jesus loves us and we love him! Yay!" singing. And there was yelling along to The Best of Queen on the way home.

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You'll notice that this has been backdated a lot. Sorry for all the delay, but I really haven't been feeling up to trying to type up my chickenscratch (I'm always so nervy about someone reading over my shoulder as I write notes (a superstitious thing, I think) that I scrawl terribly).

And really, I'm a faddist. It's easy to think that the only way to experience everything it to flit quickly from one shiny new idea to the next, but it's harder to experience greater depth of, er, shinyness that way. I recognise that, on a mental level, yet still I am a theory-myth butterfly.

Ironically, although it was my faddish self that distracted me from this blog, it was also my faddish self that brought me back (via Fanfic set in the Dark Ages, Constantinople, and the Council of Ephasus). Half of the next event is recorded (not as long as the first, thank goodness - I went into more detail with the first in order to set the scene), and the latter half may take some time.

It is the middle of the exam period (er, the actual month of posting, January 2007, is, anyway) after all, and I should like to do well and get into the University of my choice.

1st Sunday pt3

After the talk, which I have since remembered was called the 'Fool Monty' for some reason, we were sent off to talk in groups. After a fair bit of arm-clinging on my part, it was decided that I would go with my friend and her Discipler rather than separating and speaking with someone else.

This was when I properly began investigating. After all, what is touted as the "ideal" in an organisation or philosophy cannot always be followed, and how the followers react to contradictions, things that don't make sense and things too difficult to put into practise in everyday life can give an onlooker a great deal of insight into where a group fits on an ABCDEF-like frame.

As an aside, the immigrant and political Muslims in this country seem to be having that trouble now, and it'll be interesting to see the compromises that get made between them and the seemingly inintegrable everyday life that they must fit into.

First, the discipler inquired as to our opinions on the modesty issue - "Is it up to girls to dress modestly so not to inspire Lust in boys and men? Or should it be up to the men to look away and control themselves?" Personally, I lean heavily toward the latter option. Why the hell should I have to "protect; people from themselves? (Particularly in hot weather.) A religion that does not teach personal responsibility (or at least eventual personal responsibility; the population of a youth group bridges the gap between a childhood of little responsibility and an adulthood with plenty) is doing the world a great disservice.

The general consensus among the group (four girls, female discipler, disciper-in-training) seemed to be a bit of both options - "men shouldn't stare at our cleavage if they don't want to sin, but let us, as Good Christian Girls, make it easier for them by covering up." Hmm. I shan't comment further, but I should like to hear what you all think in the comments.

Then came some topics that I neither care about nor remember, and I woke up again ([/hyperbole]) for the "God will find a husband for you when it is the right time" topic.

It brings my mind to the "Gay Rights" issue in the States - it must be much easier for the Evangelicals over there to order each other to suppress desire for the same sex when they're used to giving the order to suppress all desire.

I came out gradually: first with "Need it be a 'Mr.Right'? Why not a 'Miss.'?" Apparently that was too subtle, as the Discipler didn't seem to to understand. As I am absolutely terrible at explaining things which seem obvious to me, my friend rescued me and explained after confirming that that was what I actually meant. The Discipler then referred to her Bible and said how it was a difficult situation, my friend started saying "Love the sinner, hate the sin" over and over again, and the discipler-in-training looked at her Bible and said, a little unsurely, that it was quite clear that it, um, homosexuality, wasn't a good thing. The Discipler read a section (that I couldn't find the reference for, sorry) with a list of groups that "shall not recieve the Kingdom of Heaven"; a list that included "homosexual offenders". Ambiguous phrase, I think - the "homosexual" part is obvious, but coupled with "offenders" could mean anything.

Thinking that they looked to be taking it as "people far, far away who we will never meet or have any contact with" rather than as something they might have to deal with, I said: "It's just that, when I came out as Bi, last year, [insert friend's name] was all 'grr!' about it. That gave me a bad impression of Christianity, but since then I've met a lesbian who is going into the Ministry (hello, lizzypaul!) and started to look back into it." It was a bit of a lie, as I have no intention of converting, but all for a good cause. Probably.

To that explaination, the trainee-discipler repeated herself and the disciper pursed her lips and said, again, that it was a difficult problem. Someone said that "it's like normal love but with an extra bit" to which someone else said: ∧ it's the extra bit that's the problem!"

Hm. My view should be clear on the subject matter, but it isn't my focus now. Looking at how the question was handled is, as data will need to be collected to make any conclusions about what really makes these people tick. The dogma we know; the people we don't.

I made some comment about the translation, then (possibly about the "homosexual offenders" line), and got into a little chat with the discipler-in-training about the Apocrypha (books left out of the canonical bible, such as the Book of Enoch, Gospel of Thomas, or the recently-publicised Gospel of Judas) and selection for canon. It turns out that both the Discipler and the trainee-Discipler are doing Theology courses at University.

Unfortunately, the only exposure to "Secret Gospels" that any of the others had had was through the Da Vinci Code, and so they turned the conversation toward that crap and its controversy and its fanthings. Sad.

As I left with my friend (or rather, left my friend there), the trainee-discipler thanked me for being brave and sharing. I assume she meant about my queerness, but as I have no concept of closeting (I'm one of those people whose lives and identities are plastered all over the social-conciousness, oft-times in an out-of-date manner) it didn't occur to me that most folk don't "share" such things the first time they meet people. Oops.

Sunday #1 pt2

Once the singing was over, the next event took place. We sat down again, and the Disciple at the front began the first part (of four) of this relationships talk thing that they'd organised.

Truth be told, I only really remember the parts that made me feel ill:

• Modesty, for the purpose of shielding our Christian Brothers from lust - how misogynistic! Looks like it's our own fault for being "tempting" should we be raped... Gives the boys themselves a bad rap, too - they can protect themselves from every other sin (with Jesus, of course), but we need to help them when it's this one? Bullshit.
• Don't get too close to boys before you are married, or your future husband won't want you. Embelished upon by a "Blind Date" sketch in which we had a Girl#1, Girl#2 and Girl#3 who were discribed as identical triplets exept with different sexual statuses - a "slut", a girl who had "had boyfriends", and a virgin who had had no boyfriends ever because she was "saving herself for her husband". Decidedly squicky, especially how they chanted "#3! #3!" at the question.
• An Adam and Eve bit - "Women were created to be attractive to men!" Speaks for itself, I think....

There was a bit about different types of love - apparently it can be divided into Infatuation, Lust and Love (which itself is spilt into "Love If" (Love conditional upon X changing), "Love Because" (Love conditional upon X staying the same); and "Love Full Stop" (unconditional Love), with the latter being favourable all the time.)

It seems to me that those kinds of definitions aren't really helpful or useful. Relationships change, and people look for different things when pursuing someone. It's no good having unconditional love for an abusive spouse after all - well, in the rehabilitation sense it would be, but definitely not in the absolute trust sense.

There will be a part three, on the "groupwork" afterwards - but I'm having trouble getting to keyboards at the moment. Or rather: I'm having trouble getting to keyboards which are connected to the internet via tech. Such are the perils, I suppose.

Sunday #1 pt1

I arrived at the Church quarter of an hour before the A2J (Addicted to Jesus) meeting was scheduled to start. I met the friend that had invited me in the carpark, and we entered.

It was a nice enough building, from what I could see. We went up a narrow stairway (as she warned me about the funny smell) that took us to the room where the meeting was being held. It was a largish room, and there must have been over twenty youths there already - most of them lounging against the many sofas or sat on the floor. My friend pointed out various people, most of whom I forgot the names of moments later (as is the nature of these things), and introduced me to a boy before displacing him to the other side of the sofa and dragging me down to sit on her other side.

More introductions commenced - my friend pointed out two of the Youth Leaders (called disciples), and one of them came over to shake my hand. Friendly.

There was no clock in the room that I could see, and so I had no idea how long we would be waiting. So of course I was employing my usual nervous-indicator: pointing out various small things to start conversation and/or put the focus on someone/something else. For example, I carried on a commentary on the four-or-five-frame repeating PowerPoint Presentation that was playing on the wall in front of us. "Wow, they must be enthusiastic - look at all the extra Os in ""Jesus loves you soooooooo much!"", " and that kind of thing. "Do you really do the fasting?" "What?" "Like it says on the slideshow?" "Oh. Oh! Yeah." "... Sounds healthy."

I'm still not sure whether I meant that last part sincerely or not. My friend does seem to be a hypochondriac when it comes to the 7DS.

Finally, one of the Disciples went up to the front and put a book in front of the projector. Everyone hushed up over a few minutes, he read notices, and then we stood and spread out around the room. He said a prayer, someone else said a prayer, he said another prayer, and then Lucy (another Disciple) put the music on and we were told to "sing along, or if you don't know the words just listen to them and think about what they mean."

I selected the latter option, and did some people watching. By the chorus of the first song, people were lifting their arms and swaying as they sung, and when we got to the second and third songs the majority were swaying. One man was praying for a bit, then went up to another man and hugged him for the majority of one song, a few other people were people-watching and at one point between songs a boy said a prayer which was "Amen"ed, but apart from that there wasn't much movement or fidgeting.

The music wasn't hymns. The fact that it wasn't should have prepared me for the 'Street Bible' quotations later on, but I'm not there yet.